Fresh Starts, Endings, Decisions and Beginnings
by hopelesslyhalfhearted
Summary: Sometimes it was called artwork, but all that didn't matter, not in a situation like this, for now, when she felt this helpless, all she did was sell clothes. NEW CHAPTER!
1. Chapter 1

_So this is a one shot. I'm not too impressed with the writing, grammar, spelling, flow, blah blah blah. _

_But I really felt like writing a happily ever after story. All my other stories are either angst at the moment and I have quite a bit to write before I can get to happy parts. And I really had to write something happy, but I couldn't write for the other fics because I wanted to write happy stuff so much that I would end up rushing the in between part and making it dreadful._

_This is a normal what if? I don't think it's anything original. I was going to write kinda 2 parts. The second part being future life getting married, having kids etc. But I got to a certain point and I just thought...that's quite a good ending. Usually I hate it when things end on like we got back together kinda moment, I always want to know more about what happens after, which is why I absolutely love the endings of Notting Hill and Wimbledon. But I realised that that could go on forever. End with having kids, what happens to the kids? I guess to really finish the whole chain off I would have to write up until their deaths...and as my whole objective to writing this was to write something happy I believe that death may be a little inappropriate. :)_

_I'm currently playing with an idea in which the story is based around the Butterfly Effect. Not the movie (even though I do love that movie) but the theory of the Butterfly Effect. Wikipedia it if you're not totally sure what it is. The basic principal is that something seemingly small and insignificant like a butterfly changing how fast it beats it's wings can make completely different effects on the future...hard to explain. :) _

_Please review. It's an awesome feeling to see an email from saying 'review alert'. I love it. It's great._

Fresh Starts, Endings, Decisions and Beginnings

Turn around. Go back. Don't let her go again. You're so dumb. You'll never see her again.

It's the right thing. You both need time. She'll come back. You don't work.

My mind was screaming different things at me as I pulled up into the driveway. Thoughts jumped around, constantly changing sides. I couldn't stick on one decision. _Listen to your heart. _How the hell was I meant to listen to my heart when all I could hear were thoughts revolving around my brain?

The pain was unbearable. It wasn't a sharp pain. That had come when she had first told me she was going to Greece. It wasn't the sharp pain that had come when I found out what had happened with Trey. It wasn't the sharp pain I got when I broke up with her after Johnny. It wasn't the same sharp pain as I got every time I had seen her in someone else's arms. It was a dull, lengthy and drawn out pain. The type of pain that hurts the most. It was the type of pain I'd got as I slowly watched her drift away with Oliver. The pain when I lay in bed in Chino, thinking about nothing but her. The pain I felt as we had slowly drifted apart. The same pain I got from being just a friend.

That's all we were now. Friends. Friends let friends go off to foreign countries. Friends drop friends off at the airport without thinking twice about it.

So, if that's all we were, just friends. Then why was I still sat in my car instead of just getting on with the day? Why was I hurt by the fact that she didn't want to stay? A part of me figured I was one of the reasons that she had to go. She had to find herself. I was one of the factors that had made her lose herself in the first place. At least that's what I told myself. It was ironic to think that a couple of years ago I would have argued with Julie if she had said exactly that...and now I was telling myself.

I looked out the window and at the house. It was like a palace. I had gotten used to it. But I never forgot how lucky I was. Not once. I guess that's what having nothing does to you. You experience bad things so that you can distinguish between bad and good. You experience bad to experience good.

I'd experienced life with Marissa and then without her. Then being with her again. It felt even better than the first time round. Because I had been missing her. At least when I was in Chino I didn't know she existed, I couldn't miss her. But now...now I'd miss her for all eternity. Something from a chick flick she had forced me to watch at some point became lodged in my mind

_It's like I've taken love heroin and now I can't ever have it again_

That was how I felt. I had become addicted to Marissa Cooper. She made me forget every other trouble in the world. She was my legal high. Seeing her could brighten up any day, no matter what was going on around me.

I was too busy in my own thoughts to notice Summer until I heard a gentle tap at the window. Her face was close to the glass, sympathy in her eyes. I wound the window down.

"Hey,"

"Hey," I replied.

"Want a driveway parking partner?" Summer offered. I shrugged. She walked around and got in the passenger seat. "So where we going?"

"I...nowhere. We're in park," What was she talking about?

"Everyone is going somewhere. What I meant is...are we going to sit here and talk...about...stuff. Or are we going to go into the house and pretend we're both totally fine with her moving away? Or are we going to start up the car and turn around and drive full speed back to the airport, hoping to catch her in time to tell her she's being an idiot and we all need her more than she could ever know?" I looked at her. Those were the exact questions I had been asking myself. "You know, I'm pretty sure that you could make it to the airport on time," It was as if she had read my mind. As if she had known which option I wanted to choose and we just forcing me to take it, making sure I didn't give up.

"That only happens in movies," I leant my head against the glass window pane.

"It must have happened in real life at some point...otherwise where would the first movie to show it get the idea from?"

"An imaginative writer,"

"Oooooh. We're onto imagination? Ok...why don't you imagine a life without Marissa? I wonder if you'll still think imagination is so far from the truth once you've done that. I'll imagine a life in which Coop isn't here. There'll be no escape from Cohen. You'll never be yourself again,"

"Huh?"

"Ryan, you're never yourself when you're not with her. I'll give you credit, you do try your best, but you still fail. It's like you guys complete each other and without each other you're just...you're just..."

"Not whole?"

"Exactly. And I don't want that to happen to either of you."

"I...if you're being so wise can I ask you a question?" Summer nodded. I wasn't quite sure why I was opening up to her. "If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?"

"Never." She said without hesitation. "If people are truly, madly, deeply in love with each other, they will find a way." I sat in silence. "Why aren't you driving?"

"Driving?"

"You STILL need more stuff to make up your mind. Christ, you're slower than Seth." My mind finally stopped racing. Finally I knew. My mind clicked. "Good luck," She got out the car. I stared at her for a minute. "Go on!" Summer shouted. I paused for a second, before quickly turning the key and reversing out of the driveway. I drove as fast as I could.

The drive took about half an hour. I had to be on time. I stopped the car right outside the entrance.

"YOU CAN'T PARK THERE!" Someone shouted behind me. I didn't even turn around to look at them, I just ran through the doorway, into the light and clean airport. People bustled around me, some clearly wandering around trying to fill in time before their flight, some running to their destination obviously late. Then I looked over to the arrivals area. Parents greeting children, friends greeting friends, lovers greeting their other halves. I looked at a mother who held her young daughter in her arms. A man ran towards them. He managed to envelope both of them in a hug. He placed a kiss on his daughter's head and one on his wife's lips. In my mind I swapped their faces with mine and Marissa's. I quickly shook the thoughts out of my mind and set about finding which gate Marissa's plane was leaving from. He didn't need to. The speakers buzzed and a voice spoke.

"Last call for Flight 182 to Athens departing from gate 6. Last call for Flight 182 to Athens departing from gate 6." I looked up at the signs...gate 6 to his left. I ran as fast as I could, weaving in and out of people. Finally I reached it. People were queuing to hand in their boarding cards and get on the flight. I stood up on my toes. I spotted who I was looking for.

Her.

Her golden hair hung down her back. She was the desk. She went through and walked down the tunnel. I ran up to the desk.

"I've got to see that girl," I said quickly.

"I can't let you through sir," The woman said apologetically.

"Look, I'm not going to go on the plane, I just need to..."

"Sir, I can't let you through." I looked at her quickly, before running around the booth and down the tunnel after her.

"SIR! SIR!" The woman shouted behind me. I ignored her just as I had the guy who told me not to park my car where I had. Marissa turned around, obviously wanting to see what the commotion as about. She was greeted with me running toward her. I stopped in front of her.

"Ryan what are you doing here?" She asked confusion in her eyes.

"Marissa...I...I..." I realised I had no idea what to say to her. "I...I...these past few weeks...months...I...I've been really scared. I haven't told you how I feel, I haven't been who you want me to be...I wasn't there for you when Johnny died because I was scared...I...I was scared of losing you...I was scared of you realising I wasn't good enough...and then...I mean...you...you could hurt me more than anyone else in the world...I mean you have more of me than anyone...and I was scared that if I didn't end it you'd hurt me even more...and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to cope with that...but now...now... it scares me that I might not find another you...but...but I realised I don't want another you...I want you."

"Ryan..."

"What do I have to do to make you stay? I'll do anything...anything..." I pleaded. She was crying now.

"Ryan, I need a new start...you know that,"

"I know that...but...a new start for you...it's...it's an end for me,"

"I need this Ryan..."

"I know, but..."

"I'm messed up, I need to sort my life out...maybe then...maybe then we'll deserve each other...maybe then we'll be good enough,"

"Marissa. You're perfect. To me you're perfect. I don't need you to change. You're...you're perfectly imperfect..."

"I'm not perfect Ryan. Someday you'll find a perfect girl, someone who makes you happy,"

"Love isn't about finding someone perfect...Marissa...love's about seeing an imperfect person perfectly,"

"Ryan...you said you're self you were scared of me hurting you even more...I've hurt you so much...I don't want to hurt you anymore...and I will...I will...no matter how much I try...I always end up hurting you..."

"No matter how much you treat me like shit...I can't help loving you..."

"JUST KISS HIM!" Someone shouted behind us. I ignored them.

"Marissa...I need you to know that I love you...even if you still go away...know that I'll be waiting here for you...that when you come back I'll be right here..." I looked into her eyes desperately. Trying to look for a sign. Did she want me to kiss her? Did she want me to just go away?

"KISS!" People behind us started chanting. "KISS! KISS!" I blocked them out, focusing on just her.

"I...if you're going...don't kiss me...if you kiss me then...I won't be able to let you leave...so...if...if you want to stay...kiss me...but if you're not...don't..." I hoped she'd kiss me, but instead she turned around and walked away...heading towards the plane. I couldn't watch her walk away. Not twice in a day. Not ever again in my life. So I turned around and headed back the way I had come.

Someone tapped my shoulder gently. I turned around and before I could take a proper look at who had done it her lips were crushed against mine.

************************

Ouch.

I woke up. I'd fallen out of bed. I rubbed my eyes and looked up. Marissa had leant over the bed and she was looking down at me, laughing.

"It's not funny," I mumbled.

"It's kinda funny," She giggled.

"It's really not," I grumbled, rubbing my back as I sat up. She laughed again and gave me a quick kiss. I yawned.

"Someone had a late night," She giggled.

"You should know," I smiled at her, causing her to giggle even more. I clambered back into bed and wrapped my arms around her. "You're cold," I observed.

"Well, I'm not wearing my flannel PJs, am I?" She laughed. "You do realise I'll have to leave in like an hour and I need to get ready,"

"Why do you need to get ready? You're just sitting on a plane for 5 hours,"

"Because I'm looking at the possibility of joining the mile high club with whichever hot guy is sitting nearest," She teased.

"Go for it,"

"Seriously I should get ready,"

"Surely you'd rather fly looking like a tramp and have a few extra minutes with your amazing boyfriend who you're not going to see for at least another month,"

"You saying I look like a hobo?"

"My very beautiful hobo," I smiled and kissed her. "I guess you should get ready,"

"I guess I should," She got up, slid into a pair of my joggers and slid my Harvard hoody over her slender frame. She walked out of the bedroom and into my tiny kitchen. I got up sluggishly and put on some boxers and an identical hoody, just in a different colour. I yawned as I walked slowly to join her.

"Coffee?"

"Please," I replied as I began preparing a bagel each.

"When do your lectures start again?"

"Wednesday,"

"Nice,"

"Last semester before my internship,"

"Do you know where you're going yet?"

"Secret," I teased.

"Come on, you said you'd tell me when I was here," She pouted.

"I know and I will,"

"But my plane leaves in..." Marissa checked the clock on the wall. "3 hours and 5 minutes. We'll be saying goodbye in like 3 hours. Just tell me now," She pleaded.

"I promise I'll tell you before you leave,"

"Promise?"

"Promise," I reiterated.

"Ok," She smiled.

******************

"Goodbye," I said, her arms looped around my neck.

"Not yet,"

"You're plane is boarding,"

"You haven't told me where the internship is,"

"Oh yes. That," I smiled knowingly at her.

"Spit it out," I hugged her and whispered into her ear.

"San Fran," She jolted back.

"San Fran!? As in San Francisco!? As in 10 miles from Berkley San Francisco?" I laughed at her shocked face and nodded with a huge grin across my face. She crushed her lips against mine just as she had done the day at the airport. "But...you never even suggested it or...I mean this is so...this is...I mean...we'll live right near each other and...I mean...we won't have lived so close since...since...since high school..." She was having a reaction like a young child; I wouldn't have been overly surprised if she had started jumping up and down on the spot.

"You might want to calm down before the next bit,"

"There's MORE!?"

"Erm...yeah...I mean...I figured...I mean, I need to place to live...you're going to be in your last year...I mean you don't really want to spend your last year in a dorm...I..."

"Is this your way of asking if I want to move in with you?" She grinned.

"I...guess,"

"Yes," She smiled gleefully. A member of staff politely reminded us that 'Madam must board'.

"I'll see you as soon as my semester ends,"

"I'll countdown the days,"

"I love you,"

"I love you more," She kissed me one final time before letting go and queuing up.

It was so like that night, the night I got her to stay. But it was different. Before when I saw her queuing up I felt dead, like she was slipping away, like it was the end. This time it felt so much better. It felt like it was just beginning.


	2. No One is Perfect

"Scared of flying?" The lady sat next to me asked. I was on my way to San Francisco to start my new internship, to move in with Marissa, to get my life in motion.

"Heights in general," I replied. I was grasping to arm rests with both hands and trying to focus on anything inside the cabin that could take my mind off the fact that we were thousands of feet up.

"How come you fly?" The woman looked about Kirsten and Sandy's age.

"Quickest way,"

"And what've you got to be in such a hurry for?"

"I'm seeing my girlfriend,"

"Ahhhh, young love," The lady had a warm smile. Maybe she could be my distraction. "When did you last see her?"

"Couple of months ago," It was actually 2 months 15 days and about 6 hours. But I wasn't telling that to a complete stranger, it would have made me look like a right weirdo.

"That must suck. Not seeing each other for so long,"

"Yeah, but we're moving in together this summer,"

"That'll be fun,"

"Yeah,"

"I'm Claire by the way,"

"Ryan," I shook her hand quickly, before grabbing my arm rests again.

"So, you got a picture of this girl of yours?" I reached into my wallet and pulled out the photo I had of Marissa when we had visited New York the winter before. She was in the process of throwing a snowball when I had taken it. The woman laughed when she saw it.

"That's a great picture," She chuckled. "She's very beautiful; I can see why you'd travel across the country to see her,"

"Yes, she is,"

"How long have you been together?"

"Almost 5 years,"

"I'm guessing you're earlier twenties,"

"23,"

"So you're high school sweethearts, that's so lovely," The lady kept a smile on her face. "I married my high school boyfriend, so we're an exception to rule that you never stay with your high school sweetheart, aren't we?"

"I guess we are,"

"Have you been to college or...?"

"Yeah, just finished my final semester at Harvard,"

"Harvard, eh? Smart and good looking, this girl of yours is lucky,"

"Trust me, I'm the lucky one in the relationship," This made Claire laugh.

"Has she been at college too?"

"Yeah, she's got one year left at Berkley,"

"Wow, your kids are going to have the perfect genes. Brains and looks,"

"Kids?" I was slightly taken a back.

"Oh, yes, you're a guy aren't you? You're all the same, totally afraid of future planning,"

"That's a little unfair,"

"Is it? If you got asked to say where you wanted to be in say 10 years you'd say something about having a career, whereas nearly all women will say settled down with a family. Especially women with a long term boyfriend like you,"

"Erm...I guess you're right," I hadn't thought about that before.

"So, have you thought about it...spending the rest of your life with her?"

"I don't really need to think about it, it's always been her."

"But does she know that? Because us women, we're very insecure and are unlikely to believe anything unless it comes straight out of your mouth,"

"Women seem quick enough to believe bad things and jump to conclusions when it hasn't come out of our mouth,"

"Well, that's different; we're very insecure creatures,"

"I guess you are." I paused for a moment. "So, you know where I'm going, what about you? How come you're on your way to San Fran?"

"My daughter's wedding,"

"Congratulations,"

"Not really. She's marrying an idiot,"

"Oh I doubt that,"

"Pardon?"

"I mean...yes there is chance he's an idiot, I mean I haven't met him. But most mothers think their daughter's partner is an idiot. I mean, my girlfriend's Mom used to absolutely hate me, she might still do thinking about it," We laughed. "It's understandable. I mean we're practically taking away one of things you love most in the world, right? But, I mean, we love them too. It must be kinda scary to trust someone else with someone you love, because ultimately they could hurt them so much and you'd hate for that to happen, right? But you just gotta realise that he loves her probably just as much as you do. And he might not be who you planned on her marrying, but who plans love?"

"I can add deep to your qualities,"

"Thanks," I laughed. "Just give him a chance? Mothers are SCARY beings. They're even scarier than normal women, and trust me women are scary to guys,"

"Thanks," She chuckled. For the rest of the flight I managed to sleep. Before I knew it we had landed and I quickly got off the plane and fetched my bags. I loaded it all up on a trolley and followed the flow of people out into the main airport. I looked around trying to spot them in the crowd. Seth and Summer had insisted on coming to greet me as well as Marissa. I found them in the crowd; Sandy and Kirsten were with them too. Summer held up and piece of paper with Chino written across it. Seth held a similar one but with blonde written instead. Sandy held one saying Prisoner 101. And Kirsten and Marissa stood their looking embarrassed at the others signs. They hadn't noticed me yet. I hid behind a group of tourists and managed to get behind the group waiting for me.

"You sure it was this flight?" Seth asked anxiously.

"Of course it was this flight," Kirsten protested.

"Hey, I'm just saying, it'd be typical Cohen luck," I laughed a little too loudly and they all turned around.

"Ryan!" They screamed, though I heard Summer's Chino scream.

"Hey guys," I said as they took it in turns to hug me. "Nice signs," I laughed.

"We weren't sure is there would be another Atwood on the flight so we thought we'd make it personal. If there was only one sign which one would you say you'd go to first, saying it was being held up by a little taxi dude,"

"Erm...Chino?"

"HA!" Summer shouted. "I win the bet!"

"You bet on it?" I asked a now sulking Seth.

"Come on," Sandy said. "We're all staying in a hotel tonight and then we'll drive down and stay in Newport for a week,"

"Oh," I was surprised. I had been looking forward to moving into the apartment Marissa and I had found. We were going to rent for a year and then see what happened with jobs and things.

"Is that a problem?" Sandy asked.

"I just thought...maybe, I mean we need to get furniture and stuff,"

"Plenty of time for that afterwards," Marissa said.

"And Newport's got an IKEA, what more could you want?" Seth said. We all laughed and wandered out to the car park. I hung behind the group a few metres and walked hand in hand with Marissa.

"How are you?" I asked.

"I'm good, you?"

"Good,"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You look a bit nervous...Ryan?"

"You know...you know I want to spend the rest of my life with you, right?"

"Of course...what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was just...checking,"

"Why?"

"A conversation I had on the plane,"

"Right..."

"Really, everything's fine, trust me,"

"Ok. And Ryan?" She stopped walking. I stopped and turned to her.

"Yeah?"

"You never gave me my 'hello girlfriend, I haven't seen you in months and I'm really excited that we're finally moving in together,' kiss,"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I laughed before kissing her.

"OI! Lovebirds, get a room," Seth shouted. I laughed and began loading my luggage into the two cars.

"Now, all the young people in my car and prehistoric..." Seth searched for a word. "Creatures in the other one,"

"One day I'll get you back," Sandy said.

"You keep telling yourself that, mammoth,"

"Mammoth? Of all prehistoric animals you choose mammoth?" Sandy said offended.

"Well, it kinda explains the eyebrows," Sandy laughed and shook his head.

"See you kids later," He laughed before getting in the car with Kirsten.

"So, Ryan, we've got two choices of clubs, I personally think both are very good..."

"Seth, let's just go back to the hotel," I said.

"No Ryan. That's boring. We are going to go get drunk, and I mean REALLY drunk and then we're going to laugh at your drunk dancing,"

"I can see some fatal flaws in that plan,"

"Oh yeah?"

"I don't get drunk and I certainly don't dance. Let's go to the hotel,"

"I'm with Ryan," Marissa said.

"Me too," Summer added. We all got in the car as Seth grumbled.

"Gang up on me why don't you? Just trying to suggest some fun thing to do and you just shoot me down,"

"So, what've you got planned for us in Newport?" I asked, trying to brighten Seth up. It worked instantly.

"We're going on a sailing trip, so we've got to get supplies for that..." Seth continued babbling on and I stopped listening and began to just look at Marissa. She was perfect. Utterly perfect.

_No one is perfect until you fall in love with them._

**I know I said this was a one shot, but I had an idea for it, that came from listening to a song. I'm not sure how long it will go on for, it depends on my detail, but I know my storyline. I'm going to end each chapter with a quote. I love quotes. **


	3. Silence

There was a knock at our hotel room door. Marissa motioned for me to be quiet and she went to answer it.

"Hey, Coop," It was Seth.

"Only Summer calls me Coop, Seth. If you want Ryan he's asleep,"

"He's asleep?"

"Yes, he's sleeping,"

"He's sleeping..."

"Seth, please stop repeating everything I say,"

"Ok...but...it's only 9 and he's...asleep..."

"He was tired after the flight,"

"Ok...if he wakes up, we're in room 113,"

"Won't Summer be a bit pissed if Ryan turns up when you guys are in the middle of..."

"The middle of what?"

"You know..."

"What?"

"It doesn't matter Seth. See you,"

"Goodbye, Coop,"

"Don't call me Coop!" I heard Marissa call after Seth before closing the door. She returned to me and slowly lowered herself on top of me. "Where were we?" She giggled before kissing me slowly.

"We were ordering room service...but I guess we can skip that,"

"Glad to hear it,"

************

"Where does this go?" Marissa held up a piece of the flat pack wardrobe and looked at it as if it were an alien object.

"I tell you what. Let's leave the building to me,"

"What do I get to do then?" She pouted.

"You get to fill it up when it's built,"

"True...what can I do now though?" I shrugged. "Come on, I'm not totally crap, there must be something I can do,"

"Make coffee?"

"This isn't fair, even Seth got to help prepare his and Summer's apartment and he's on a totally different level of stupidity compared to me,"

"Seth painted,"

"Well...I could paint,"

"We painted last week!" I laughed. She stood behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"What can I do then?" She moaned.

"Prepare the dinner like a good little housewife?" I joked.

"That's not even funny Ryan Atwood,"

"Really?"

"Anyways, I'm not a housewife until you get round to asking me to marry you!" And what had seemed like such a innocent comment caused a very awkward situation. "I didn't mean..." She had felt my body stiffen.

"It's ok," I thought for a second. "If I...I'm not saying that this is me asking you...because you deserve better than a proposal on the floor of a half decorated apartment...and I don't have a ring or anything...but...if...if I did ask you...what would you say?"

"I can't tell you that,"

"Why?"

"You'll have to find out when you ask me...I get the suspense of waiting for you to ask...you get the suspense of waiting for me to answer. Now enough with this, what can I do?"

"Find a takeaway menu?" I suggested.

"Ryaaaaan...I want to do something useful,"

"It is useful. I'm starving,"

"You better snap out of this. I'm not living with you if you're like this,"

"Wow, you sure you're not a housewife? You sure as hell sound like one," I joked. It wasn't good.

"JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO SCARED OF COMMITMENT AND WON'T ASK ME!" She stormed off and locked herself in the bathroom. I sighed. I really needed to be more in tune with her emotions. It was difficult. She was too good at covering things up sometimes. I stood up, wiped my hands and sat down beside the bathroom door. I'd be there for a while.

"I'm not scared of commitment,"

"Of course not," I heard Marissa's muffled sarcastic reply.

"I asked you to move in with me, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't. You mumbled random words and in the end I was the one asking the question. I always end up being the one who makes the first move,"

"You know I'm not good with words,"

"That's the understatement of the year. You know just because people have left you behind before doesn't mean I'm going to. "

"Marissa...I applied for the internship here. If that's not a first move I don't know what is," She was silent. "I'm still kinda expecting you to pack up your bags and leave one day...you, Seth, Summer, Kirsten, Sandy...I'm still expecting for you to just forget me...and I know it's irrational and deep down I know you won't...but, I mean...it still scares me,"

"I know."

"Do you want me to propose? Because if you do, I'll do it right here, right now,"

"I don't want you to propose in a bathroom! I just...I just...I'm 24! And we've been dating basically since we were 16 and we haven't even mentioned marriage before now,"

"Marissa. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't see why we need to label it as engagement or anything...I mean marriage is just a ring and a piece of paper,"

"That's all it is to you?" She seemed hurt.

"No...no, of course not...look...I'm just trying to make you feel better...you know I am crap at this,"

"As crap as I am at assembling flat pack furniture?"

"Way worse," I heard her blow her nose. "Am I allowed in?"

"No. I look awful,"

"That's impossible," There was silence and then the slow turning of the lock. I waited a second and gently pushed open the door. She was sat curled up by the wall. Her hair was messier than usual, her eyes were red and puffy, like they always were after she had been crying. Her nose was runny and to anyone else she may have looked awful. But in my mind there was never going to be a time when Marissa wasn't beautiful to me. I sat down next to her and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close. "I promise that one day, I will ask you. It's a promise."

"When?"

"You get the suspense of waiting for me to ask, I get the suspense of waiting for your answer," I repeated what she had told me.

"I knew I'd regret saying that,"

"Yep," I kissed her hair.

"It's going be very difficult for you to surprise me now," Marissa stated, a smile appearing on her face.

"Hmmm," I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "And why's that?"

"I'll never let my guard down," She had stopped crying now, but tears still lingered on her pale cheeks. "I'll be ready,"

"I'll have to get Seth involved in the planning then...you're always saying how his ideas are so unpredictable..." A look of genuine horror appeared on her face.

"Don't get Seth involved...please...I want it to be perfect..." I laughed at her reaction to my joke.

"He didn't do too badly with Summer..."

"He ended up accidently pushing her overboard..." Marissa pointed out, making Ryan laugh.

"Maybe we could go sit on the sofa..." I began. "This floor is freezing,"

"What sofa?" Marissa laughed. It wasn't arriving until the day after and I had totally forgotten. I lost track of how long we stayed like that. Silent. Barely moving. It was brilliant. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. There was nothing happening. It was nothing. A whole big chunk of time that was nothing to us. But that nothing...that nothing was perfect.

_Don't you hate that uncomfortable silence? Why do we feel it's necessary to talk about bull in order to feel comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence._

**So...onto the next chapter. **

**It think it's going to mostly be a bit of fluffiness for the next few chapters. We'll see what happens. But the big drama point starts later. I could have just begun at the drama, but I'd much prefer to write this fluff. It makes me feel good. **

**Someone asked me my favourite quote. It changes constantly, depending on how I'm feeling. But for the past few months it has been this.**

_**There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.**_

**It seems perfect. It somehow manages to instil a sense of hope, a sense of life going on, but at the same time it seems to say it's ok to just stop, to not want to do anything, to want to rewind the clock. It makes the point, that after all it is only natural for these things. I hate those people that say **_**move on **_**or **_**she wouldn't have wanted you to be crying. She'd want you to be happy. **_**Those quotes that tell you that you must be happy, that you shouldn't grieve, that everything will be alright. It's a load of bull. Sometimes we just want to wallow in sadness. We're humans. The whole **_**your heart can be empty because you can't see her or full of the love she left behind **_**is a load of crap. People need to be sad. Otherwise we'll never recognise happy when it does eventually come along.**

**I'm become quite a bitter, twisted, cynical person. **


	4. A Quest and a Quarrel

"I can't tell any difference!" Seth shouted in a panicked voice, just as Ryan and Marissa walked into the Kirsten and Sandy's kitchen. Summer was holding two envelopes in Seth's face; her face was red with stress and anger.

"Pick a bloody envelope! Eggshell or cream!?"

"I don't see why the envelopes are so important...the only person who'll look at them for longer than a second is the postman," Seth regretted saying this straight away; Summer fumed.

"You think it's so pointless? Why don't you try arranging to get over a hundred people in one place at the right time, wearing the right things, with the right presents and..." Marissa grabbed the envelopes out of Summer's hands and licked them both shut. She thought for a while before giving Summer one back and screwing the other one up into a ball.

"Choose that one, it tastes better," Marissa said.

"It tastes better..." Summer said smiling. "Why couldn't you have thought of that, Cohen!?" She muttered angrily. "I'll be back in a second," She went out of the room to make a phone call to the stationary suppliers.

"Marissa, I may actually kiss your feet," Seth said, relieved. "She's been trying to make me choose for the past 10 minutes...and she'd been trying for an hour before that,"

"An hour and ten minutes on the envelopes?" Ryan said disbelievingly.

"I know. Never, ever, ever get married. If you do, make sure you hire a wedding planner." Seth stood up quickly. "Now, Ryan. You're here, which means you can make up some fabulous excuse for getting me out of here. We can go down to the beach and..."

"Seth...I came here to help Summer out with dimensions and stuff for where everything needs to go,"

"WHAT?"

"Sorry,"

"This is ridiculous! What wedding needs a bloody architect to work out the seating?"

"Our wedding." Summer said as she came back into the kitchen. "Coop you've got to help me with the guest list and Ryan you work out the layout,"

"What about me?" Seth said, realising he had been left out.

"Well...you were just complaining about having to do stuff earlier..." Summer replied.

"But now I feel left out! Ryan and Marissa are here for the holidays! Not for wedding planning!"

"Stop sulking,"

"This wedding planning is going to ruin Christmukkah," Seth muttered.

"You know what," Summer said. "Ryan, go out with him."

"But the plans..." Ryan said.

"We'll do them later...when the baby's in bed," Summer looked at Seth accusingly.

"If you're...sure..."

"Don't ask if she's sure, you idiot. Just take the opportunity to escape. Let's GO!" Seth shouted happily.

"We'll see you...later," Ryan managed to place a quick kiss on Marissa's lips before Seth dragged him away.

********

"So..." Seth took a bit out of his ice cream. Only in Newport could have ice-cream in December. "How's things going with Marissa?"

"Great...really...great," Ryan said, almost as if just thinking about her sent him into a daydream.

"Popping the question anytime soon?"

"Can't tell you,"

"Why?" Seth looked offended.

"Because you've got the biggest mouth in the world,"

"I do not!"

"How did Kirsten find out what her Christmas present from Sandy was?"

"ChristMUKKAH present!" Ryan just laughed and shook his head. Seth hadn't even denied it.

"Anyways...how are things with Summer?"

"You were in the room with us a minute ago..."

"Yeah,"

"There's your answer," Seth looked at his feet as he walked.

"She's just stressed out about the wedding,"

"I know," Seth looked at his feet. "But it's like...all we ever do is argue...you know?" He said gloomily.

"It'll all be better after the wedding,"

"What's the point of a wedding if all it does is cause arguments?"

"Seth...you guys...I don't know why, so don't ask...but you two have always been like this old married couple...and the thing is, yeah you do argue a lot...a hell of a lot...but that you can stay together even though you do argue...that's shows how strong you guys are..."

"I guess."

"Seth...seriously, you don't have anything to worry about with Summer,"

"Yeah," Seth muttered, not totally convinced.

"Hey, just think the makeup sex will be worth any argument," Ryan said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Hmmm...true...you know, I've grow from Nemo into Jaws in that department,"

"Seth...never use that analogy again,"

"You started the subject,"

"I wasn't expecting that response!"

"I'm a Cohen, I thought you would have learnt that by now you should stop expecting things...we're unpredictable,"

"Yeah...I don't know how Summer's going to cope being your wife,"

"_I'm _not the one with rage blackout problems!"

"Very true..."

"So, on Christmukkah Eve I figured we could all go out, have a meal, get drunk..."

"Can't,"

"Why?"

"Er...me and Marissa are going to be...busy,"

"Oh," Seth winked at Ryan. "I get you,"

"NOT LIKE THAT!" Ryan hit Seth playfully.

"Slip and EW in there I could mistake you for Summer,"

"You want a proper Atwood punch?" Ryan grinned, his fist clenched in the air.

"I'll stick with the playful one you just gave me..."

_Life is a quest, love is a quarrel. _

**QUICK update :D **

**So, the next chapter is going to be based on Christmukkah Eve...so hopefully I can have that up tomorrow. **

**Now, I know this fic isn't very dramatic...not very O.C like at all....but I promise you, give me a few more chapters and it'll start getting into the realms of drama, tragedy, pain, stupidity and loss...that seems to characterise a lot of the OC.**

**But if I don't get around to posting it...**

**I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.**


	5. Life and other details

"Marissa, where's Ryan got to?" Seth asked, eggnog in hand.

They were all sat in the living room, with nothing really to do apart from wait for the next day; for Christmukkah. Seth had tried to get them to play a board game, but after a long argument over whether Christmukkah should be allowed to be used in a game of Scrabble the others refused to play anymore. Marissa looked up from the wedding catalogue that she was looking through with Summer.

"I actually have no idea," Marissa said, she had been thinking the same thing.

"He told me he was going to the shop, but that was..." Sandy checked his watch. "2 hours ago,"

"You think he's alright?" Kirsten asked concerned.

"Course he will be," Sandy assured her. Just then Marissa's mobile rang. The melody of Forever Young filled the room. She knew it was him without even looking at the caller ID, she had personalised his ringing tone.

"As if you have 'your song' as your ringtone, it's so cheesey," Seth muttered.

"No it's not, it's cute," Summer argued.

"Hello...?" Marissa answered. "Hey, where are you?...What? now?...sure,"

"Was that Chino?"

"Yep. He wants me to go to the end of the driveway..." Marissa got up, tucking her phone in her jeans pocketed and pulling on a hoody. "I'll see you in a bit," She waved before leaving.

"Very mysterious," Seth said as she left.

"Ryan?" She called when she was outside and stood by the curb. There was no reply. "Ryan?" She spoke a little louder this time. "Ry..." She noticed an envelope, stuck to the end of the brick wall that separated the Cohen's house from her old one. She walked over to it, seeing clearly who it was addressed to. _Marissa_. She tore it form the wall and open it.

_It seemed fitting for tonight's little adventure to begin in the same place as we did.  
You're probably cold, unless you're wearing your PJ's. Go somewhere we heated up._

What? Little adventure? And she seriously didn't understand the whole heat thing. What was he on about? She sat staring at the paper, re-reading it over and over again trying to make some sense out of it. Somewhere we heated up? Heated up literally? Or heated up with...love? Either way she couldn't think of anywhere in particular. The lifeguard stand? They never heated that up. That was where they went when they were 'cool', when there was trouble. So did he mean the poolhouse? They always steamed those windows a bit. The tiki hut? No, that wouldn't be there, it had been taken back to school. He sure knew how to confuse her. She tried to think literally. Where had they raised the temperature? She couldn't think of anywhere. She couldn't remember making a fire or...a fire...a fire...finally it hit her. She wasn't even sure if she knew the address.

Seth or Kirsten would.

She rushed back inside and found the others sat just how they had been when she had left. It was like they had been paused, nothing seemed to have changed.

"Do any of you have the address for the model home?"

"It's nice to see you again too," Seth said sarcastically. Marissa just glared at him. "I dunno, why?"

"I'll explain later. Can you find it?"

"Which model home?" Kirsten asked.

"The one that burnt down," Marissa spoke quickly, eager to see what Ryan had planned for her. Maybe tonight was _the _night.

"It'll be in the records," Kirsten left the room and returned with her laptop. She turned it on and spent a couple of minutes searching databases. "3 East Grove,"

"Thanks," Marissa hurried out, grabbing her car keys as she did.

It didn't take long to get there and Marissa quickly stopped the car and searched around. "Ryan?"She only called once this time, as she realised if he didn't answer it was probably most likely she was meant to try and find another note. She rattled the gates, they were locked. The note had to be around where she was, on the street, then. She looked around desperately. She couldn't see it anywhere. She decided to give in. She couldn't have been at the right place, he must have meant for her to go somewhere else. She opened the car door and was just about to get in when her phone bleeped. She had a message. She stopped to pull the phone out of her jeans and look.

_Where are messages usually left? _

She laughed slightly.

_Are you watching me?_

She texted back.

_Maybe_

_Ooooo, very mysterious!_

_Stop texting and just think. Where are messages usually left?_

She looked around trying to spot any sign of another person, but she didn't see anything. She began thinking about what he said. Usually left? The letterbox? She looked on the gate, a letter box was attached on the side. She opened it and luckily it was unlocked. Inside was another envelope, bulkier than the first one. Inside was a CD and another piece of paper.

_You made me a CD, so I thought I should return the favour. Here's your first Christmas present.  
Now, the next line is ultimately cheesy, beware.  
We were from different worlds, but I'm so glad we gave ourselves the chance. Because of that we are no longer from different worlds; we have built our own one. _

_Now, onto the next destination. Next wasn't our beginning, but it was the start. _

What the hell?

_Why do you have to be so cryptic? _

She texted him. A part of her knew he wasn't going to reply and after 5 minutes of waiting she tried to decipher is clue. Beginning and start had the same meaning. What was he on about? He was contradicting himself. She sat for at least half an hour, trying to figure out what he meant. Her phone bleeped.

_You're not very good at this._

_Maybe if you just told me..._

_I'll give you another clue. A circle has no end._

_A circle?_

_Just think about it._

Their start? And a circle? Did he mean their relationship was like a circle? She was completely and utterly confused. Circular shapes...their past...the Ferris wheel! She ran to the car and was about to set off when her phone bleeped again. Ryan.

_Take your time. Maybe listen to the CD._

She smiled and laughed to herself. She took the CD and placed it into the player. Hallelujah.

_Are you trying to make me depressed? _

She texted him, a tear in her eye and a smile on her lips.

_Of course not. Turn it off, the other songs are for later. _

_What's happening later, Mr. Atwood?_

_A multitude of things. All of them surprises._

_I don't you've been this mysterious to me since the first time we met_

_I don't think you've been this annoying since you took me shopping_

_So, last week?_

_Shut up and go_

She couldn't see him, but she could just imagine the lopsided grin that would have appeared on his face after the conversation. She obediently pushed her foot onto the accelerator and drove.

The field was plain, no signs of the carnival that had been there in Marissa's memory. It was a large area and she had no idea where to begin searching. In the time she had been out the day had turned to night and there were no lights around apart from her car headlights.

_I can't see a thing I won't be able to find an envelope_

_Maybe someone will turn on a light in this darkness. Like you did for me._

5 words made her heart skip. They seemed cheesy. To anyone else they would have been. But Marissa knew he wasn't saying them because he thought it was she wanted to hear or because he wanted to woo her. He was saying them because he meant it. He truly believed she had saved him. When it came down to it, Marissa thought she was the one who had been saved, who needed saving. That he was the light in her darkness and as long as he was around her world would be light and she would be able to fight off any bad things that came along because he was there beside her...always.

Hundreds of fairy lights flickered on a hundred metres away from her. It was him. She ran towards the lights, a ridiculously large smile stretched out across her face.

There were poles fixed in the ground and the lights stretched between them. They seemed to be arranged in some sort of shape or pattern. He was stood in the middle. She walked towards him, it taking all her might to not just run straight into his arms.

"Very romantic,"

"I have to show you something,"

"There's more?" He stretched his hand out, she took it and he led her to a tree which had a ladder fixed to it. "We're going up?" He nodded. "It's pretty high, are you sure you're ok with..."

"It'll be worth it," She climbed first, clad that she had pumps on and not the high heels that she had been wearing earlier in the day. At the top there was a little wooden platform.

"You built this just for tonight?"

"I wanted it to be the best Christmas present giving ever,"

"Oh," She couldn't help looking crestfallen. She thought tonight was going to be _the _night.

"Is...something wrong?" He asked concern on his face.

"I just...I thought you were going to...you know...it doesn't matter, it's silly,"

"You thought I was going to propose?" She nodded a little. "Sorry,"

"It's cool," She turned away from him, surveying the land around her. He had done everything so perfectly, she didn't want him to see her upset, she felt ungrateful. "So, erm, why do you have to give me my present in a tree?" She asked, not turning to face him.

"Look down at the ground, at the lights," She did. And she saw the pattern that she had wondered about earlier. They were arranged in the shape of a Ferris wheel. Little shining cabins of light hung of the main frame. She was overwhelmed. She had to look at him now, she had to thank him, even if she was upset he wasn't proposing.

"Oh, Ryan, it's..." She had turned and she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the position he was in and what was in his hands. "You...I..."

"I knew I'd be able to surprise you,"

"I...you...I..."

"Will you marry me?" His deep blue eyes stared directly into hers. She felt so happy. So ridiculously gleeful. Her heart must have stopped working for a minute. She just stared at him, as if he were an alien object. And then she cried, tears streaming down her perfectly formed cheeks. She nodded as she brushed tears from her eyes.

"Yes." She sniffed. "A thousand times yes," He stood up and pulled her into his arms. She rested her head against her shoulder.

"I knew I'd be able to surprise you," He whispered into her ear.

"You never fail to, Mr Atwood," He quickly put his hand in his pocket and music began playing. She pulled away so she could see his face.

"I did tell you the rest of the CD would be played later..."

"I think it's time you got practising for our first dance,"

_Life is to love; the rest is just details._

**Sorry I couldn't get it done for Christmas Eve, but here it is now. **

**Xoxo**

**Georgie**


	6. The Unquoatable

Ryan moaned as he woke. Someone had hit him with a pillow. As he opened his eyes Marissa's face was millimetres away from his, a smile etched across it.

"You're mean," He grumbled before pulling the sheets over his face.

"No good morning love of my life, my soul mate, future wife?" She giggled.

"Not when you wake up me like that," He rolled over, turning his back on her, but she followed, leaning over him.

"How about just a simple Merry Christmas?"

"Hmmm," He muttered before shutting his eyes.

"Seriously, Seth's been waiting to open presents for 2 hours," For the first time Ryan glanced at the clock.

"He wanted to open them at 6:30?"

"Yeah. Be glad you're not Summer, she got woken up with the pillow at 6. I managed to save you and put off your torture for a couple hours,"

"And decided to make the pleasure of waking me up yours?"

"I just couldn't bring myself to pass up such a great opportunity," She giggled before hitting him over the head again. "Get up," She ordered.

"I am!" He sat up, rubbing his eyes. She hit him again.

"Hurry up!"

"I'm hurrying," He stood up out of bed and slowly pulled on some sweatpants. She hit him again. He put his wife beater on at a faster pace and stood in front of her ready to have breakfast. She hit him hard around the head. "What was THAT for?" She laughed loudly and shrugged.

"I felt like it," She grinned.

"You did? What if I feel..." He took a step toward her. "Like..." And another step, so that now his nose brushed against hers. She closed her eyes ready to accept the kiss. "This..." The kiss never came and instead he began tickling her, throwing her down onto the bed as he did. She screamed and laughed loudly.

"Ryan!" Marissa cried out in a mix of laughter and panic as Ryan pinned her to the bed and relentlessly tickled her. "Cut it out!" Soon he stopped and they lay next to each other, out of breath, staring into the other's eyes.

"When do we tell them?" Ryan asked.

"I think we should see who notices it first," She raised her hand up to their faces and examined the ring.

"I'll bet Summer,"

"I reckon my Mom,"

"Your Mom's coming over?"

"Yeah..."

"Nobody tells me anything,"

"We told you weeks ago!" She laughed. "You were probably too busy brooding to listen,"

"I don't brood,"

"Really?"

"I _think_,"

"The same as brooding,"

"Not really,"

"Ok, of course you think," She giggled.

"One of us has to,"

"Hey!" She laughed before kissing him gently on the lips. "Come on then," She took his hand and pulled him up. They wandered slowly into the kitchen, hand in hand.

"Finally," Seth said loudly, standing up from the table. "Come on present time,"

"But I haven't even had..."

"Grab a bagel or something, just hurry up," Seth led everyone else into the large living room where the tree was, leaving Ryan to make a bagel. Marissa hung behind, but Seth stopped and turned to look at her. "Can't you be separated for 5 minutes?" Marissa smiled at Ryan before going into the lounge and settling down onto a sofa, leaving a space next to her for him. He joined her not long after and they began opening the presents.

"No one's noticed," Ryan whispered to Marissa.

"That's cause my Mom isn't here yet,"

"How come you know she'll notice?"

"Because she watches me like a hawk. And she hasn't seen me for 3 months; she'll be looking out for changes,"

"What are you two whispering about?" Summer asked.

"Nothing," Marissa said quickly.

"Sure..."

"Julie will be here soon, we better all get dressed," Kirsten said, as she collected the pieces of ripped up sparkly paper that were strewn across the floor. The women dragged their respective partner's away towards the separate bedrooms to make sure they wore something decent.

The doorbell rang an hour later. The men had been ready for 40 minutes, but the girls still sat in front of the mirror.

"Julie," Sandy greeted her with a quick peck on the cheek as he let her inside.

"Hi Sandy," Julie smiled, a genuine natural smile, then continued into the house to find Kirsten, leaving her bags of presents in the hall for Sandy to bring through. "Kiki," Kirsten hated that the nickname her Dad had given her was still used, even though he was dead. But a part of her was glad. It was a little reminder.

"Hey Julie," Kirsten turned away from the food she was attempting to prepare and smiled at Julie. "How are you?"

"I'm really good," Julie looked around; Kirsten knew what, or more to the point, who she was looking for, without even asking.

"The kids are just getting ready," With perfect timing Summer arrived.

"Hey, Mrs. C,"

"Hello Summer," The women hugged.

"Mom step away from the food!" Kirsten laughed as Seth entered. "I'm not joking. Get away." Kirsten frowned and was about to speak when they heard voices on the other side of the door.

"Come on,"

"No way. I bet not even Seth's been forced into this."

"Seth isn't spending Christmas with his girlfriend's Mom,"

"Your Mom's seen me without a tie on!"

"You don't want to impress her?" Everything went silent as Ryan tried to think of a reasonable answer. He couldn't.

"It's Christmas!"

"So? Would you rather wear a hideous sweater like Seth and Sandy have to or wear a tie?" Seth and Sandy both looked down at their sweaters.

"They are kinda gross," Sandy muttered in the other room.

"I don't see why I have to impress your Mom,"

"Because she's my Mom!"

"She's met me before,"

"Today's really important!"

"I know...but..."

"Ryan, for me?"

"You're that worried?" Marissa nodded weakly. "You've got absolutely nothing to worry about," He smiled reassuringly. "I still can't tie them though," There was silence and Ryan and Marissa walked in seconds later.

"Nice tie, Ry," Seth laughed, earning him a classic Atwood stare.

"Marissa!" Julie squeezed her daughter tightly.

"Hey, Mom," Marissa smiled.

"And Ryan," Julie turned to smile at him. "It's good to see you too. Very formal attire,"

"Nice to see you too," Ryan said, before pulling the tie off.

"Hey!" Marissa complained.

"You are now officially required to wear a Cohen sweater," Sandy said as he handed a knitted sweater to Ryan.

"Thanks,"

"Marissa, we've got to talk! I want to know all about Berkley and San Fran. We should arrange some date for me to meet you and..." Julie stopped and stared opened mouthed at Marissa. Everyone looked at each other.

"Julie?" Kirsten asked. She followed Julie's gaze to Marissa's left hand. She let out an ecstatic shriek and hugged Ryan. Summer realised the same thing at around the same moment and hugged Marissa, starting babbling about wedding dresses and how great it was. Sandy clapped Ryan on the back.

"Well done," He said happily, stood proudly next to Ryan. Seth finally cottoned on and congratulated them both. Julie had stayed rooted to the spot throughout.

"Mom?" Marissa looked at her mother, waiting for a reaction. Her mouth was still wide enough to catch flies. Ryan squeezed Marissa's hand. Julie blinked a few times and then smiled, holding Marissa's hand up, inspecting it.

"I just can't believe you didn't ask her straight out of high school." Julie finally said.

"You're not mad?" Marissa had felt so unsure about this. She had been expecting outrage, some kind of fight.

"Mad? Why on earth would I be mad!? My baby's getting married!" Marissa let out a breath she wasn't aware she had been holding and allowed her Mom to hug her tightly.

"You are having it here and not in San Fran? Because that would make sense, you're both from this town. And it's traditional to hold it in your home town,"

"So...tradition would state it's going to be in Chino?" Seth joked. Julie glared at him.

"Don't you even joke about that." Julie said sternly. "Ryan, you don't actually want to have it _there_ do you?"

"No." Ryan said with certainty. He didn't want to mix the happiness he had now with the awfulness of the past in Chino. He would never mix them together. Never.

"Thank god for that," Julie said. "Now we need to talk about dresses and cakes and everything!" Julie dragged Marissa into the living room, Summer and Kirsten followed.

"You _have _to tell us how he proposed!" The boys heard Summer say.

"When did Christmukkah turn into Atwood wedding day?" Seth asked. "This was going to be my one day of no wedding talk. Summer promised." He moaned.

**Hmm...so here's the thing...there isn't any unhappiness, and I love a bit of unhappiness. So I'm thinking of instead of waiting forever to get to the bad times, maybe I could do like Ryan looking back on the good times (that were in the past-these would follow on from this chapter) along with his experiences in the future. You get me?**

**Probably not. Nobody gets me :)**

**Xoxo**

**Georgie. **

**(Yes no quote this chapter. I couldn't find one. Feel free to suggest)**


	7. A Picture

"_You look so happy," She pointed to the photograph the hung on the wall. He had been meaning to take it down, but he just couldn't bring himself to. _

"Ready?" Julie turned to Marissa, surveying her daughter. She looked stunning. Truly stunning. Her hair was left hanging down her back, her make-up, which would soon be covered by the veil, had been done perfectly by Summer. Marissa nodded slowly, swallowed and began gathering her train. "Well, I better give you this then," Julie reached into her bag, revealing a beautiful silver necklace, with one small blue jewel hanging off the chain. "Something blue and something old," Julie smiled and Marissa turned around and held up her hair, allowing Julie to fasten the chain around her neck.

"It's beautiful," Marissa said, hugging her mother tightly, beginning to cry.

"It was your great-grandmothers. It was the most valuable thing our family ever owned until I met your Dad."

"Something blue, something old and something borrowed. And the dress is new, so I guess that counts,"

"What's borrowed?"

"The necklace..."

"No, that's for you to keep. My Mom gave it to me and her Mother gave it to her. Although, if you ever remarry don't be expecting more jewellery,"

"I won't remarry," Marissa said confidently.

"I know," Julie smiled proudly at her daughter. "Now let's go or the poor boy will think you've run off," There was a knock at the door. "That will be Jimmy," Sure enough Marissa's Dad came in, dressed in a black tux with a white rose in his lapel.

"You look beautiful, kiddo," He hugged her.

"Thank you,"

"Are you ready?"

"Give me a sec," Marissa said, wiping away tears that had formed.

"Sure,"

"I need to redo your make-up, it's smudged," Summer said, trying her hardest not to cry too. Marissa had her had been in floods of tears when she had married Seth, expecting for everything to change, thinking that somehow it meant they'd spend less time together. It didn't. But still Summer got the same feeling she had before, that she was handing over someone she truly loved to somebody else. It was the oddest mix of happy and sad she had ever felt. She couldn't imagine how bad it felt being Julie.

************

"She's not coming, is she?"

"Of course she is," Seth tried to reassure Ryan, but doubt showed in his voice. "She'll be doing her make-up or something. Making sure she looks extra beautiful,"

"She's not coming."

"Don't say that. I'm sure she's just...she'll be talking to Summer, yeah...you know how those two get. Apparently they could have stopped the entire drought in Africa if they had been thoughtful and collected their tears...but they didn't because we have plenty of water here and their selfish minds didn't even bother to think about the poor little African children. I mean, even if they didn't give them to Africa, they could have at least thought about somewhere closer to home...Las Vegas would have been very grateful if..."

"Seth, shut up," Sandy had joined the two boys at the altar, dressed in a suit and tie that he had reluctantly put on. "She'll be here."

"Yes, she will," Seth asserted. Ryan pinched his temples, trying not to panic. Atwoods don't panic, he told himself. Julie came and placed a hand on Sandy's shoulder.

"She's coming," She announced to the small group.

"Is that...no it can't be...is that...a tear? Is Julie Cooper crying?" Sandy teased as they took their seats. "I never thought I'd see the day,"

************

"Coop...wait I can't call her Coop anymore!" Everyone laughed at the first line of Summer's speech. "Marissa has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. We played Barbie's together, went on holidays, went to our first concert together, got in trouble together-maybe that should be _get _in trouble together." More laughter. "But whatever happens I'll always know Marissa will be there to help me out, always. That comforts me in a way nothing else can. I also take comfort from the fact that Chino is exactly the same for Marissa. He has always been there for her, I'm certain that he always will be. She'll always be there for him too, despite his lack of social skills and girly fear of heights." Summer raised her glass and everyone copied. "To Chino and Coop,"

"I'm Seth Cohen, resident funny man of this family. Because of that I spent 10 weeks, 4 days and approximately 6 hours trying to make this speech as funny as possible, trying to live up to expectations. I wrote it all down. It was long, because I like to talk a lot. Especially about myself, which I'm managing to do now, even though I'm meant to be toasting the happy couple. All the stuff I wrote down I ripped up this morning. It could have been a comedy gem, a speech passed down the generations because of its amazing wittiness and well structured punch lines. I guess we'll never know now." He paused for a breath. "Ryan is my brother. That's not up for debate, it's a fact. He's also my best friend, my saviour and my confidant-although sometimes I'm not sure if he's listening. He lets me babble on about comics and video games and Summer...well just about anything really. He's constantly clearing up my mess. Whether I've annoyed my wife-which I do frequently- or whether I've just generally opened my big mouth and put my foot in it. Just this morning I told Julie that she looked a very young 50. She's 44." Everybody laughed. "True to form Ryan came in and calmed her down. What I'm trying to say is similar to Summer. He's always there for me. He's always there for everyone. He deserves the happiness he gets from Marissa." He paused again. "Today...for today I'm Ryan's best man. But for the other 364 days he is mine."

"_Yeah," Ryan flashed back into the present. _

"_It's a shame," Ryan nodded in agreement with the estate agent. _

"_I...I don't think I'll be selling anymore,"_

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah." Too many memories, he thought to himself. Too many memories that he couldn't let go of yet. _

"_Well, of course, that's fine,"_

"_Thank you."_

"_Goodbye,"_

"_Bye," Ryan showed her to the door and then went back to the picture. He stared at it for a second, before taking it down slowly and taking it upstairs, placing it the bedside drawer. He proceeded to do the same with every picture in the house until the walls were bare._

**A picture is worth a thousand words-**_**Napoleon Bonaparte**_


	8. Children

**OK, here's some clarification for anyone who didn't understand the last chapter. **This writing is chronological to the other chapters, following on from before I started putting in the italics. _This writing is little snippets of the future, not necessarily in chronological order, for instance this chapter's italics are set before last chapters. _**Eventually the **normal text **will catch up with the future, making everything set at the same time. **

**Sorry if it's confusing.**

"_RYAN!" Ryan bent down and gathered the boy into his arms, careful the whole time, scared of how fragile he was. He knew about how fragile a child's bones were. He knew every single detail. He'd researched it. All of the; what ifs, the buts, the whys, the hows, the explanation...but he still hadn't found what he really wanted, the answer to the question that burned inside him day and night. Why him? Why did it have to happen to him? _

"_Heya, Harry," He smiled weakly at the 6 year old._

"_I got a new highscore. Wanna see?"_

"_How about you play and Daddy and Ryan will talk then play later?" Seth said as he came down the stairs._

"_But Daddy, he's here to play with me,"_

"_Not now," Seth said sternly. "Come on, you go play Ninja alone, then we'll come defeat you in a bit," _

"_You won't beat me,"_

"_Oh, really?" Seth teased._

"_Yes!"_

"_Well, you better get practicing then," His son ran off into another part of the house, leaving Seth alone with his brother. _

"_So, how are you?"_

"_I'm good," Ryan said; in such a way that it seemed as if he had been practicing saying it in the mirror, over and over again. _

"_Great," Seth wandered into the kitchen, Ryan followed. "We went yesterday, took some flowers,"_

"_That's nice of you,"_

"_Ryan...maybe you should go, you know. I mean...maybe you could let go or something...like talk to..."_

"_Talk to soil?"_

"_It's not soil,"_

"_Ok, soil with a pile of bones underneath,"_

"_Ryan..."_

"_I'm doing really well, the estate agent's coming over tomorrow to value it and get it on the market, she doesn't think it will take long to sell. After that I can get on with my life, start fresh."_

"_I don't think you want to start fresh."_

"_I don't think I really have a choice, do I?"_

"_I don't think you're fully over it yet and to start fresh you have to be fully over it,"_

"_I'll never be over it, Seth." A silence followed. Seth didn't dare argue back, he knew Ryan was right. It was impossible to get over something like that. Seth wanted so desperately to help more than he could, share some of the pain. But realistically only one person could do that, only one person could really empathise with him, share the sadness, but she was gone. _

_And when Seth couldn't bear the silence any longer he said the one thing that he had been trying to say for weeks, trying to find the appropriate time. A time when what he was going to say wouldn't hurt. But then he realised. No matter when he said it, it was always going to hurt Ryan._

"_Summer's pregnant,"_

A very tired, dishevelled Seth stood in front of them all, a medical gown still hung over the clothes that he had hurriedly pulled on at 2am, 19 hours ago.

"Harrison Sandford Cohen," In the end Summer had had a caesarean, although not before badly bruising both of Seth's hands. He stood with a huge smile on his face as one by one their close family congratulated him.

"When can we see him?" Kirsten asked. she was delighted at the prospect of being a grandma, although she had been secretly hoping for a girl.

"Summer needs to sleep, so they just said it would be best if we came back in the morning."

"I'll get back to my shift, then," Dr Roberts stood up; congratulated Seth once again, said goodbye to everybody and left. He'd stopped his work as a plastic surgeon and gone back into what he truly loved, saving people's lives. He worked mainly in the burns unit, doing skin grafts on any severe injuries, although he occasionally went into other areas when needed. Just last week he had done three 6 hour surgeries reconstructing a teenager's face, after one half had been mauled by a dog.

"We'll head off too," Sandy said, his arm placed around Kirsten's waist.

"Bye," They also congratulated Seth once more, hugged their other son and daughter-in-law, before leaving.

"Are you staying overnight?" Marissa asked.

"I should go home, get a good night's sleep."

"Stay at ours, we'll get take away," Marissa suggested, hand clasped around Ryan's. Ryan nodded in agreement to the idea.

"That would be awesome," Seth said, his usual hyperactivity being lessened by his intense need for food and sleep. "I'll just go say goodnight,"

"We'll be in the car," Marissa led Ryan outside to the parking lot and looked up at the stars. "I think, if we ever have a kid, we should name it after a star or a constellation,"

"After a star?" Ryan asked, with one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, they're the most beautiful things in the whole universe. Light in darkness. It would be a really good symbolic kinda name,"

"I think the only people who get to think like this when naming a child are celebrities..."

"Don't be so negative, Cassiopeia sounds really nice...Cassie for short."

"No."

"Why?" Marissa pouted.

"You're not even pregnant!"

"Doesn't mean we can't plan ahead," She bit her lip as she turned her body to face him. "What would _you_ call our kid?

"I wouldn't name it after a star,"

"Fine, but would you call it? A girl; what would you call our daughter?"

"I don't know,"

"You haven't thought about it?" He had. He'd thought about 2 kids, maybe 3 and a dog; living in a big house, going walks on the beach, throwing them into the swimming pool, having big family get-togethers with Seth and Summer and once a year going away on holiday without them, just him and Marissa, leaving the kids with Sandy and Kirsten. Going to New York or Paris or London or Toronto...anywhere. Then bringing back souvenirs and seeing the look on his children's' faces as they unwrapped them, revealing t-shirts and little models of famous landmarks. Then of course, there would be the novelty souvenir, for Seth and he'd love it and try putting it on the shelf in the living room, but Summer would refuse, telling him it was disgusting and then telling Ryan off for buying it in the first place. Marissa would stand on the sidelines laughing, not even attempting to help him out. One of kids would be doing the same, being just like their mother.

"Olivia," He smiled before kissing her softly on the lips.

"Come on you two, we've already got a new baby, we don't need any more for at least a year," Seth called out, laughing as he approached them.

"He's good at ruining moments, isn't he?" Marissa whispered to Ryan.

"Uh-huh," Ryan mumbled in agreement, before turning to look at his brother. "Come on then,"

"So, I was wondering, Chinese or Pizza?" Seth asked as he clambered into the backseat. "I'm kinda in a Chinese mood, prawn special, chicken chow-mein...sweet and sour,"

"Sure," Ryan yawned before putting his foot down and driving. When they arrived at the small house, that Ryan and Marissa had bought a month after their honeymoon, Seth was the first to run up the white steps and to the front door, though he then realised he would have to wait anyway. Ryan had the key. As soon as the door was unlocked he grabbed the menu from a drawer in the kitchen and dialled.

"Apparently they don't do delivery on Sundays,"

"That's a bit stupid," Marissa huffed.

"Yeah, so one of us has to go pick it up."

"I'll go, I don't think either of you have had any sleep,"

"Whereas you spent most of the day with your head on his shoulder, painting that oh so lovey dovey serene picture that seems to be your relationship. I hoped married life would have taken its toll on you by now," Ryan looked at Marissa, searching for an answer to quell his confusion. The look she returned seemed to say, don't ask me, he's _your _brother.

"You're just jealous because you won't get any tonight and for quite a while," Marissa laughed.

"_He's_ not getting any tonight, not when I'm under this roof,"

"It hasn't bothered you any of the other times,"

"Other times?"

"Yes, other times...there was..."

"You can shut up now," Seth had become flustered. "Just go pick up the food like a good housewife,"

"Of course, Master,"

"I said housewife, not _slave_!" Seth called out the door as she left. "What were you guys talking about in the parking lot?" Seth asked as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"Oh, just this and that,"

"This and that?"

"Baby names,"

"Baby names?"

"I know, it was kinda odd. I guess you guys having a kid made her broody or something..."

"What exactly did she say?"

"Stuff about stars." Ryan hesitated. "And she asked me what I'd call a girl,"

"Ryan Atwood's going to be a Daddy,"

"What?"

"Yep. Uncle Cohen...Uncle Seth...The Sethmister...Sethster..."

"Seth, what are you...?" Doing. Talking about. What _are _you? Human? Doubt it.

"Trying to think of what I want my first nephew or niece to call him...which do you think is best?"

"Hold up, Marissa's not even pregnant yet,"

"Wow. You're dumb,"

"What?"

"Sit down my brother, sit down," Seth motioned to the bar stools at the breakfast bar. "When Summer first found out she was pregnant, she talked to me about like...baby stuff...before I knew she was pregnant. A test or something. Anyway, she talked about baby names and things, trying to see if I was ready for parenthood. I answered that our child should have been called Quasimodo...you know like Hunchback of Notre Dame...I always thought that name kicked ass,"

"So she deemed you unready?"

"No...I answered most of the other stuff right."

"What other stuff?"

"Has Marissa talked about a bigger house?"

"A bit..."

"One with a bigger garden...?"

"Yeah,"

"Well, she's basically saying...can we get a bigger house, for the extra person who'll be along in 9 months time and can it have a big garden to play in,"

"You're being ridiculous,"

"No, I'm not. Apparently they read it in some magazine together when we were wedding planning and vowed to do it before they told either of us they were pregnant,"

"Yeah, not happening bud,"

"Ok...don't believe me, but just you wait,"

"Wait for what?" Marissa asked, setting the bags down on the counter top.

"All this lovely food," Seth said breezily, before winking at Ryan. Seth began digging in, piling things onto his plate and going into the living room to watch TV. Ryan stood behind Marissa and wrapped his arms around her waist. He subconsciously seemed to be his hands on her stomach, as if feeling for a baby. Don't be stupid, he told himself.

"Why did he just wink at you?" Marissa asked as Ryan nuzzled his face into her neck.

"No idea," Ryan whispered into her ear.

"Don't lie to me, Mr Atwood,"

"Well, Mrs Atwood," Ryan smiled as she turned around to look at him, still wrapped in his arms. "He seems to be under the impression that you're pregnant," Marissa seemed to clench slightly, Ryan noticed it. "You are?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"I was going to tell you I swear..." He silenced her with a gentle kiss on the lips.

"TOLD YOU SHE WAS PREGNANT!" Seth shouted, poking his head round the door.

"SETH!" The couple shouted in unison.

"I know, moment ruining, I'm gone, I'm gone," Seth muttered as he went back into the living room.

"_Summer's pregnant," Seth searched his brothers face, searching for some kind of reaction, but he found none. It was as hard as steel, just as it had been for over 9 months. The never changing emotion of 'I'm fine'_

"_Congratulations!" He said as enthusiastically as he could manage. "That's great,"_

"_Thanks," Seth paused before mentioning the next point. "We're...we're going to have dinner, announce it to everyone, it'd be great if you came," _

"_Everyone?"_

"_Mom, Dad, Dr Roberts, Julie and..." Seth hesitated. "You know," He did know. He knew perfectly well who's names Seth was having difficulty saying._

"_When?"_

"_This weekend,"_

"_I'll be there,"_

"_Really?"_

"_Sooner than later, you know," Ryan shrugged, trying to seem confident and calm._

"_Yeah,"_

"_DAD! Are you done yet!?" The little boy poked his head round the door frame. _

"_COME HERE YOU!" Seth laughed as he began chasing his son around the house, leaving Ryan to stand brooding. _

**Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body-**_**Elizabeth Stone**_


	9. Chapter 9

_good people of the world._

_read._

_any of these stories that your patiently waiting to be updated (i think one of them hasn't been updated in quite a few months) will be updated in due course. most of them have half finished chapters that i just cant seem to finish._

_well anyway._

_i have this huge thing in my mind. it's going to be huge._

_it's so huge that i made a blog for it._

_it has some images, showing each of the charcters. _

_alongside them are sort of cryptic things saying the relationships between the characters._

_just type _

_orangesunsets_

_._

_tumblr_

_._

_com_

_all in one._

_please._

_for me?_


	10. Loss

**Wow, sorry for the long wait. I'm kinda fucked in the head right now. **

**Anyway, have fun.**

**The italics are set before last chapter's italics, but the normal is a continuation of last chapters normal.**

_Numb. Nothing at all. Completely numb. His jaw was smooth now, clean shaven after weeks of bristles. His hair had just been cut, cropped close to his head, the sides almost bare. All he needed now were new clothes to finish his reincarnation. _

_That was where he got stuck. _

_Walking aimlessly through numerous stores, unsure what would suit him, what was fashionable? What colour? He wasn't even completely sure of the size._

_She had always been there to pick for him._

_No._

_He couldn't think like that._

_He'd changed. He wasn't going to wallow anymore._

_She wasn't there anymore. He had to keep going. He could cope without her. God, he'd managed it for 16 years before he moved the Newport. He could do it now. _

_But then he realised which department he had wandered into. Maternity and baby. He really wished he'd paid more attention to the signs._

"Are you done?" Ryan asked impatiently as his wife handed him another item of clothing.

"Patience is a virtue," She replied before turning away to look at the rack again.

"I've managed to be virtuous for the past 4 hours,"

"It's not like I'm enjoying it either,"

"Don't lie, you love shopping,"

"Not when I'm buying things with huge waists and elastic...it's depressing. I'm fat,"

"No, you're pregnant," He muttered, though she still heard. He sat down on the nearest chair.

"Doesn't make a difference,"

"There's at least 5 things in these bags that are for, I quote, 'When I'm normal again',"

"There's a new shirt for you somewhere, stop complaining," He obeyed, sitting perfectly still, watching as she walked in and out of the changing rooms, each time with a new outfit on. He'd smile mostly, nod occasionally and speak rarely. Beautiful was used more than any other word.

"Done," Marissa said confidently, an hour had passed since Ryan's moaning, and she now had 14 maternity outfits plus the other 20 odd that were at home. It was ridiculous, Ryan thought so, but it was how she had always been and probably how she would always be and he didn't want to change a single thing about her. "All we need to do his pay," Ryan let his eyes look in the same direction as Marissa's. The queue. That would be another hour. Ryan groaned. "I'll queue," She offered.

"No, you rest,"

"But..." He looked at her and just like that she knew the argument was lost cause before it had even started. He hadn't let her do anything that required more than minimum effort for the past 5 months. He took the numerous items and joined the back of the line, waiting patiently for it to be his turn to pay. It did take an hour, a long, hot boring hour. The air conditioning in the shop had broken and Ryan had insisted Marissa sit outside, ordered her to even.

He came outside and despite already having 5 bags on his arms he refused to let Marissa carry the 4 that sat at her feet. It was hard to see him through it all.

Marissa unlocked the car, as Ryan was obviously unable to. She opened the driver's door.

"No you don't," Ryan stood by her side after putting all the shopping in the trunk. "Other side."

"You're so unfair,"

"You're so pregnant,"

"Whose fault is that?" Ryan didn't answer, but instead walked round to the other side of the car and held the door open for his wife. "You're annoying sometimes, Mr Atwood," Ryan shrugged, closed the door once she was in and then got in and reversed out. "We should get a new car,"

"Why?"

"You can't drive a baby around in a Porsche,"

"Why not?"

"Wow, and I thought you were clever,"

"Ok, ok. What car do you want?"

"One of those," Marissa pointed to the car in front of them, Ryan raised his eyebrows.

"Are you having triplets without telling me?"

"Don't look at me like that," She barked. "What's wrong with that car?"

"Apart from the fact it probably has about 14 seats and was especially made for Cheaper by the Dozen,"

"It's a minivan, not a bus,"

"There's a difference?"

"Shut up!" She laughed, scolding her husband. "Well, what car would you approve of?"

"Mercedes C-Class saloon,"

"A what now?"

"A bit like Sandy's old one,"

"Oh," She thought for a moment. "I guess that would be good, but you'll have to show me a picture,"

"_Can I help you, sir?" The voice stirred him away from his memories, it was kind, reassuring. He recognised it. When we turned around he found it difficult to not drift back into the memory he had been thinking of. It was the same lady. She had 'helped' them pick out outfits for Marissa, not that Marissa needed any help with fashion. _

"_I...erm..." _

"_Have you been here before?" He didn't answer. "I think I remember you...you're wife was the one who wouldn't let me do anything," She laughed at the memory, but his face convulsed in pain. _

_Sure, he didn't look broken anymore. He was all squeaky clean. But he was he kidding? He was still broken, he'd always be broken. _

"_Erm...yes...that would be her," _

"_So, are you having another child?" _

"_Yes," He had no idea what possessed him to say it, or where the idea came from. He didn't even know what he wanted to do. Go shopping to relive memories? _

"_That's great!"_

"_My wife's away...with her Mom...I thought I could surprise her,"_

"_Lovely, now are we looking for baby or maternity?"_

**Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself**


	11. Shared Sorrow

**This chapter's italics are set before all the rest; it is the moment he decides he needs to move on.**

_Left over right. Round the back. Up. Pull. No, that wasn't it. Right over left, round the back, over once more, pull. Not it. Left over right. Wrap round. Up through the back. Pull. Not right. _

_Ryan threw the strip of material at the mirror with all his might, despite this it fluttered slowly to the floor, landing at his feet. _

_And that was when it happened. He finally cracked. His knees buckled below him and he fell to his knees, his head in his hands._

_Before he'd tried to make it hurt more, make somewhere else hurt more so he wouldn't think about the other hurt. You know when you're hurt, someone will joke to get rid of it you should just make somewhere more painful? He had tried. He had punched without wrappings. He had pulled parts of his hair out. He'd stayed underwater for so long that his chest felt dead. He'd run so far that his heart seemed to be ripping a hole in his skin, beating so hard. He'd sliced himself open, watching the crimson liquid seep out onto the tiled floor of the bathroom. _

_But none of it worked. Nothing was ever going to be more painful than it. Nothing. _

_So he sat. Still. Not moving. Dead. _

_Then he raised his head, looking at himself in the mirror. He realised how awful he looked._

"You look like shit," Seth spoke bluntly, whilst casually throwing an apple from one hand to another.

"Thanks," Ryan mumbled, he sat down next to Seth and let his head fall back against the top of the chair. Summer hit Seth, for what seemed the thousandth time that day, and then shot him a look.

"How are they?" She asked, concern showing in her voice.

"Sleeping,"

"Did they say anything more?"

"They'll find out soon," Ryan looked at the couple next to him. "You guys should go home,"

"You sure?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," She was silent for a few minutes, biting her lip, before reluctantly giving a slow, unsure nod and picking up her handbag.

"Ok...call us if you need anything," She hugged him, squeezing him tight. Maybe if she couldn't say it in words, maybe this would do, maybe he'd understand. She hoped he would. She hoped he'd realise how bad she felt for him, how much she wanted to fix what was meant to be the most perfect day of his life, how much she wanted to be able to help at all. But she couldn't. Because she was just Summer Cohen. She wasn't a doctor or a nurse or anything remotely useful. No, when it came down to it, all she could do was sell clothes. Sure, she spoke all the crap about fashion and what would be good next season, what would clash with what. Sure, she could draw a few sketches on paper, which someone managed to turn into a dress, which some celebrity would wear. Sometimes it was called artwork, but all that didn't matter, not in a situation like this, for now, when she felt this helpless, all she did was sell clothes.

How insignificant.

"Will do," He murmured into her shoulder.

"See you tomorrow," Seth spoke as stood up, using his most meaningful and serious tone, reserved only for the most important of occasions. Ryan sort of grunted a goodbye, before lying down on the sofa that the other two had just vacated.

He woke with a crick in his neck. He took a while to open his eyes properly, the bright white lights of the hospital so foreign and intruding after the dark of sleep. He looked up at the clock. 5 am. He'd only managed 2 hours of sleep.

He made his way to the room where he'd spent most of the day before, only to find it empty. He ran straight to the main desk, panicked and confused, various thoughts rushing through his head. What if they'd tried to call him whilst he was asleep? Maybe they'd just moved her? But what if the worst happened? No. He couldn't think like that.

"Are you alright, sir?" The nurse stood up out of her chair upon seeing him.

"My wife was in room 132 and now she's not and nobody's told me anything or..."

"I'll just look on the system," She smiled. "I'm sure everything's fine," She begun typing on her keyboard, before stopping. "What's your wife's name, sir?"

"Marissa Cooper, no, Atwood. Marissa Atwood." He tried to control his breathing, but had begun to find it increasingly difficult as the lady tapped away on her mouse. He wished he could see the screen.

"They've been moved up to the next floor, room 81," He turned to run in that direction, but her voice stopped him. "It's good, sir, she's been taken off the critical list," He let himself breathe a short sigh of relief, then continued, slightly slower, but still taking the stairs 2 at a time after being too impatient to wait for the lift.

"Can I help you?" Great. Another receptionist.

"My wife's in room 81," He didn't stop to catch his breath, not willing to believe she was ok until he had seen her with his own eyes.

"Ryan Atwood?"

"Yes,"

"It's down the corridor and to your right," He skidded off again, his shoes clapping against the polished floor. He reached the room, and although it was tempting to burst in, Ryan realised that that would probably alarm and worry her, so instead he stopped to slow his breathing down, before gently pushing the door open. She was sat up, her eyes red and face white. He sat down on the bed, careful not to move or hurt her and slowly wrapped his hand around hers.

"Hey," Before he could even finish the short word, she had wrapped her arms around him and thrust her face into his chest.

They stayed like that, his hand held against the back of her head stroking back the hair, the other rubbing circles on her back, until a nurse came in. "Mr and Mrs Atwood?" He nodded for the both of them, she didn't seem capable. "The blood transfusion has been very successful, but we want to keep your son in for at least another day to monitor him,"

"Are there any lasting problems?" He squeezed her hand slightly as she asked this, letting her know the exact same thing had been playing on his mind.

"As far as we can tell, no, but things could develop over time. He'll have to come in for weekly check-ups for the first few months,"

"Can we see him?"

"I'm afraid you won't be able to go into the room, he's in a very fragile condition at the moment, but you can go look at him,"

"Thank you," The nurse left and he turned to face Marissa. "Do you want to go now or...erm...wait a bit?"

"Now," Her voice was hoarse and quiet, seemingly unsure of its self. He helped her into a wheelchair and pushed her down the many gleaming, white corridors until they reached their destination. He pushed her right up the wall and stood beside her, on hand with a firm grip on hers.

There, through the thick glass, was a baby, its gender undistinguishable if not for the blue cover wrapped around him. Smalls tufts of blonde protruded from his head and tiny hands seemed to be grasping the blanket. They both watched on silently, in awe of the thing that lay in front of them.

"I like Finlay." He blurted out. She looked up at him, confused; it wasn't a name they'd discussed. "It means blonde or fair warrior, I read it in one of those books."

"You read the books?" Confusion was exchanged for surprise.

"Of course I did." He looked back at their son. "I know you really liked Ben, but I just..."

"It's perfect." He felt her squeeze his hand, he wasn't quite sure where she had found the energy to do so. "Finn for short."

He looked at her and noticed the small tears falling down her face and silently dripping onto the floor. He couldn't help but let his eyes glaze over, if only for a moment.

**Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow – **_**Swedish Proverb**_


End file.
